13 August 2009

You asked, I answered, Pt 3

Missy said...
Do you ever long for a daughter? Are you ever going to have more children?

Great question! I was wondering if someone was going to ask that one.....(actually, that was TWO questions...I do realize that! LOL)

Do I ever long for a daughter? The short answer for me is "not anymore". When I was carrying Matthew, I really, really wanted him to be a girl. Like, with everything that I was. I was terrified at the prospect of having a SON. Terrified. And my MIL, bless her heart, was convinced that I was carrying a boy.

You can only imagine her joy in that she was right on that one.

I was like, super disappointed for almost two minutes, when he was born. Then I got a chance to hold him and look at his face and all of that went away. Honest.

He was delightful as a little boy and I've survived the pre-teen years pretty well so far.

So, when I found out I was pregnant in August of 2001, I *knew* that I really wanted another boy. I had experience in how they worked, so to speak, and it was okay. Little did I know that just maintaining that pregnancy was going to be one of the biggest challenges to my very life, my sanity and my marriage to that date.

At 20 weeks gestation with Caleb, my blood pressure began a dangerous climb that by 22 weeks, landed me in the hospital and sent me to my couch for the remainder of the pregnancy. And honestly, it is only by God's grace that I was able to finish my pregnancy and give birth without suffering stroke. And Caleb was relatively healthy for being evacuated at 35 weeks and 6 days; after being in the hospital for an extra couple of days, all was well.

All that background is to say, that for health reasons for me, I was strongly advised to not get pregnant again after Caleb's birth. And quite honestly, after surviving countless hours of bedrest and twice weekly appointments and non-stress tests, I was only too happy to comply.

But it didn't hit me that it meant we would never have a daughter until his first birthday. And then I felt guilty, for not being able to give Jon a daughter. He took it like a champ, saying that he'd rather have me and two boys than more children and no me.

Sometimes I still get sad. My sister has two little girls whom I love and adore, but they're hers, not mine. (And honestly, sometimes I thank GOD that they are hers and not mine!!) I always dig at her anytime I can when they act up (they are 6 and almost 5) that she is going to have hell to pay when they are teenagers! LOL Not nice, I know!

But honestly, I'm quite content with my two boys and our furry girl. It's all good.

Oh, and in case you still wonder, no, we don't plan to have any more children. We opted for permanent, surgical birth control just over two years ago and we are DONE!


Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

I'll share Emma with you. :-)

Missy said...

You can have my daughter. =)