the nerve

Did I tell you? I've been entrusted with a task this year for the district's annual Ladies Retreat. Our pastor's wife, who was in charge of the music for several years, is in charge of the whole sha-bang this year due to a changing of the guard, as it were.

SO guess who she decides needs to be in charge of music? That's right, lil ole me. Yikes.

You know my background, I'm sure. I'm the firstborn and my Dad was called into full-time pastoral ministry when I was nine. And he was a youth pastor before that.

So, I grew up in the church. I know all (well, almost all) of the classic Nazarene hymns. In my defense, there was a new hymnal published back in '93, which was when I graduated high school. There are a few hymns that are included in the new hymnal that I don't know. But for the most part, I know them.

And all the choruses too. This is the Day.....He Is Lord....the list goes on and on. My friend, Stephanie, who happens to be Matthew's godmother, used to tease me everytime she saw me crack open a hymnal.

"Like you need that!", she'd hiss from down the pew.
"Sometimes I just forget the order of the verses!", I'd shoot back in reply.

But can I tell you, with as many solos as I have done in church and other places in my day; the enormity of the task at hand terrifies me.

Not only do I choose most of the music for the general sessions, I have to lead too.

And that doesn't mean that I just get to stand on the platform and sing the words on the screen in front of me. Oh no. It means that I have to speak in front of all these ladies; some who know me, most who don't.

Gulp

Transition from one thing to another in worship, maybe leading prayer, knowing that I can'tlose my place for one single second while the whole room is looking at me.

I'm close to hyperventilating right now just thinking about it.

Fortunately, I have a great support system for learning as I go. Our pianist for retreat is wonderful and between her and our music leader at my local church who is a wealth of musical knowledge and has the patience of a saint, I should know what I'm doing by the time retreat rolls around.

For the sake of all these ladies who are paying for retreat.