out of the darkness and into the sun

In just short of sixty days, I'll be celebrating another birthday. I'll be getting closer to FORTY (gasp!) and by then, I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to say that I'm in better shape at {insert birthday number here} than I was ten birthdays ago.

That's exciting.

And better yet, thanks to recent prodding by my younger brother, I feel better than I have in ten birthdays. I saw my primary doctor last month and discussed some issues with him and after several moments of discussion and asking me to take some quizzes to evaluate my "symptoms", he put me on a low dose of an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med.

That was thirty one days ago.

Now, feeling better was no where near immediate, as the pharmacist had warned me that it could take up to two weeks before I noticed anything different about how I felt. So I was prepared, although I went home and told Jon that I wished I could stay in bed "for the next two weeks".

A girl can dream.

Ten days or so ago, I started to notice that I'd backed away from the ledge a little bit. I feel calmer, so therefore, things at home and at work seem calmer and I'm even starting to enjoy things again, like teaching Sunday School and having dinner with my best friend.

I hated everyone and everything, you see. Well, that's to say that I felt like that was the case. I'd avoid anything I didn't have to do and wasn't really happy to do anything that I did have to do. And did more and more out of obligation too, which is no fun and no way to live.

Ten days ago, I started to feel as though the fog was lifting and as I type this, I have to tell you that even though I'm not really sure who my "old self" is, I'm starting to feel like maybe I can rediscover her, whoever she is. What she used to like, who she used to be, what she likes now, who she wants to be now.

The world is my oyster.

Watch out, I'm coming.